Handling Opinions About What or How You Feed Your Kids
PREVIEW: loving tactics & conversations to try if you're dealing with people you love that give unsolicited advice or insist what or how you should feed your kid(s).If you end up loving this article, enjoyed learning from it, or found it useful for your family and can think of anyone else who may find it interesting, please help me get it in their hands! Send this article via text, email, or messenger above!
I didn’t realize how much mental energy went into feeding kids until I had them myself — and while it’s felt hard to figure out what to feed them, I’ve found it just as hard to handle family & friends who tell you to do it differently! Ofcourse most people have the best intentions and wants kids to be healthy! But I was shocked how many people asked permission to feed xyz just to roll their eyes, make critical comments, judgmental jokes, or sometimes even give the kid what we said no to because “Oh, it won’t hurt”.
9x out of 10, I think these conversations happen because nutrition information can be pulled up with a simple search and the results are so conflicting… we all believe such different definitions of the “right” way of eating that it can quickly feel like a debate or argumentative — like one person is jumping at the opportunity to instill what they believe is right onto the other person — instead of feeling like a curious conversation that shows we care & expresses interest in what, how, or why a parent is choosing to feed their kids the way they do.
It can feel stressful: you’re a loving parent who just wants to make sure your kids eat healthy food! It’s also been a common complaint from clients of ours who are also parents. So while there’s absolutely no perfect method of dealing with these situations (every family has their own dynamic with drama, dysfunction, personalities, and perspectives) — we hope sharing some strategies that have helped us feel less triggered & more confident helps you create the consistency you want for your kid(s) too.
Reframe the conversation.
Instead of viewing it as "you vs. them, try to view it as you & them vs. the problem. Find the mutual goal at the root of your differences before making it about whose solution is “right” or “wrong.” Finding common ground has helped the conversation feel like we’re all on the same side and de-escalate any tension.
Something like, “I know you want him to eat healthy. I do too” has helped the conversation feel like we’re all on the same side and de-escalate any tension.
Or consider, “It’s totally okay if we have different versions of healthy food. But as mom and dad, the most important thing to us is consistency so we don’t confuse her.”
Encourage curiosity.
Different opinions are always an opportunity to learn from other people’s experiences so we can make sure our current belief is as accurate as possible, learn, and grow! Instead of judging someone for disagrees with your food choices, role model what it looks like to be openminded, persuadable, unbiased, and willing to learn new things:
Ask more questions about the foods they say have worked for them (what do/don’t they eat, do they get variety,)
Ask more questions about how their body is doing on those foods (how is their energy, bowels, skin, digestion, blood sugar, cycle, sleep, hair — avoid focusing on weightloss!)
Tell them you’re genuinely excited to look into their ideas
Consider when you’ll compromise.
Life in today’s world is full of imperfect situations, unexpected events, uncontrollable circumstances, vices — it’s so unfair to expect our kids (or ourselves) to choose the healthiest, cleanest option 24/7! Eventually, they’re destined to face temptation (other kids eating differently, ultra-processed foods in checkout lines, stadium snacks and vending machines at a sports game, the buffet of options during the holidays). So as mom/dad, it can feel less stressful & more beneficial to prioritize time teaching kids why real food matters (see our next tip #4) so they grow up knowing they need healthy food to build a body that’s strong enough to handle the harmful food they can’t avoid completely. But don’t ignore how differently they behave when they eat ultra-processed foods (hyper, interrupted sleep, upset belly, don’t finish meals in anticipation for a snack)… because as always, you have to decide the potential for harm and what you’re comfortable with. Some things to weigh out:
How often you’re surrounded by family & friends who feed certain foods
How much of the food is being eaten
How easy is it to choose/bring healthy options where you’re at
Are you up to the challenge if they’re hyper or up all night? We can’t blame the kids for the decisions we’re making for them.
Set goals with your spouse and commit to say yes/no in certain circumstances
Pick your non-negotiables, and teach your kid(s) why.
What foods are absolutely red flags for your family? What foods are most important for your family to avoid? What foods do you believe cause the biggest problems? Food allergies definitely apply here for obvious reasons, but why wait for a diagnosis to draw boundaries and protect your kids when ultra-processed foods are linked to more & more health problems everyday. Then, talk to your kids about nutrition as early as possible (or else all the cartoons, bright colors, and misleading health claims on food labels or sponsored curriculums on food labels will teach them). While having some non-negotiables can help you as the parent ask for a bare minimum for family and friends to follow… actually having conversations with the kids about those non-negotiables empowers them with information so they understand and genuinely want the most nourishing option as they grow up.
Share a story about a time when a food has negatively impacted your family (diarrhea, rash, poor sleep, fussy, colic, hyper). Something like, “We’re really eager to see how he does without xyz because __ happened and it sucks seeing him deal with that!”
Spend time rereading a well-done, credible study about a food you prefer to avoid so you have science that reaffirms what you’re skeptical of or have experienced
Spend time understanding a specific food your suspicious of so you can confidently share about what you’re learning, doing, or considering
Use mealtimes to teach young kids about food. Let them hangout with you as you cook more meals at home, name different meats and produce, show them how food comes from nature, make eating real food an enjoyable time together. Everything from “What’s this? Say beef!” or “What’s the chicken say? Bock bock bock” to “Red veggies make our heart strong! Do you want your heart to be strong?” or “We can eat yummy [insert ultra-processed food] sometimes, but it’s made with ingredients that hurts our body. We have to eat more [insert whole food] so our body doesn’t get hurt! Let’s find a candy/cookie that won’t hurt us!”
If you need to avoid the disagreement all together, just encourage anyone who questions you to do their own (good) research. You’re not obligated to explain your choices. Something like, “We’re really excited to see what happens based off what we’ve learned! You can easily find amazing stories and research online if you wanna look into it!”
Have alternatives ready
Bringning a simple, tasty & delicious recipe made with real food or packing healthier options can be a conversation starter. Maybe it will help them realize healthier options are easy to find, afford, and eat consistently. At the very least, BYO-food guarantees you a clean option! We’ll be the first to support eating imperfect foods if the experience outweighs the ingredients, but clean options can be really, really affordable and become second nature if you just know what to look for. Alternatives we vouch for:
Recipes made with 1 pan, 5 main ingredients, and 30 minutes or less
Jerky/beef sticks
Grain/gluten-free crackers & cheese or hummus
Grain/gluten-free tortilla chips & guac
Olives
High-protein smoothie or to-go purees. We vouch for smoothies if protein is eaten alongside it or in it. Add a clean, high-quality, and honestly real protein powder or collagen to smoothies. Serenity Kids sells this all convenient in a pouch. Or consider jerky or beef stick on the side.
Chicharrones (pork rinds)
Questions? Don’t hesitate to ask in the comments below or contact us here! Thank you for being here!
TO YOUR HEALTH,
By the way, I’m Danika!
Just a laidback, middle-class woman from the outskirts of town who healed most when I stopped trusting a broken, ass-backwards system to tell me and my family how to be healthy. The internet can be so bittersweet sometimes, but I hope this space becomes a resource that inspires you to prioritize the most important foods, stress less about living perfectly & know your body best! Craving a realistic, root-cause approach to real food? Maybe we’re your cup of tea.
